In his first move since Mayor Bruce Harrell poached him from the City of Los Angeles last week, new director of Seattle Department of Transportation Greg Spotts says all freeway references to “I-5” will be changed to “The 5” effective immediately.
“I’m excited to tackle all of the Emerald City’s greatest transit challenges, from building better bike paths to creating effective public transit hubs that improve everyone’s lives,” said Spotts in his first local press conference at SDOT Director. “But not before you give Interstate 5 the respect it deserves. It’s THE 5, folks, now and forever. Okay, NOW we can talk about light rail coming to Ballard before the next century.”
Although Interstate 5 is technically under WSDOT’s jurisdiction, SDOT crew workers were seen during rush hour this afternoon replacing all local I-5 signs in accordance with Spotts’ executive order.
“Hey, I’m just doing as I’m told, but it’s definitely weird,” said a worker who did not want to be named for this story. “I heard that, before we got the signs to post, they were blessed in a ritual by some weird car-worshipping cult from California. I didn’t believe it at first, but they totally smell like they were baptized in gasoline and In-N-Out secret sauce.”
At press time, a group of local California transplants were already bowing and chanting indecipherable incantations around the signs before jumping back in their cars to go from 0 to 80 mph in a merging lane.
