A state ferry sustained heavy damage and ran aground in West Seattle today after the beloved Seafair Pirates commandeered the ferry and forced the captain to walk the plank.
“Arr, well Seafair be canceled for the last couple years so me and the crew were itching for a little mayhem, but we might have gotten a little bit carried away,” said Seafair pirate Captain Plaidbeard, giving a statement amongst the wreckage. “Me and the lads got three sheets to the wind while binging ‘Our Flag Means Death,’ so we thought it’d be a bit of fun to commandeer a ferry and take it for a joy ride. Well, it weren’t long after we made the ferry captain walk the plank that it dawned on us that no man amongst our band of seadogs knew how to dock a ferry. Blimey, me insurance rates are going to be higher than a seagull’s tits after this.”
The ferry captain was later scooped up by a Coast Guard boat and returned to shore to give his account of the pirate attack.
“I was sailing my normal route when all of a sudden a frigate appeared on the horizon flying a flag that I thought was just the Arc’teryx logo or something,” said ferry captain John Richmond. “It all happened so fast, one minute they were poking me with plastic swords and the next thing you know some pirate named Cold Brew Killian was tossing me off the plank into the briney deep. I think what we’ve all learned here is that we probably never should have installed planks on the ferry at all.”
At press time, WSDOT was looking into resuming the ferry service with a fleet of duck boats.
