A handwritten message on the back of a bar receipt found early this afternoon confirms that Portland, Ore. has officially requested to extend its stay in Seattle.
“Gonna need to snag yer [sic] sofa for a few more weeks. Thx man!!!!” the note read. “Btw we’re out of Pabst.”
Portland first asked to stay with Seattle after “some shit went down” with Austin, Texas, whom Portland had been dating since meeting at industrial folk-noise festival EarthGrind Core Explosion 2017.
“He said he needed a place to crash and said the visit would last ‘no more than a few days,'” said Seattle, grimacing at Portland’s kombucha mother festering in the kitchen corner. “That was in early March. And on top of it, he’s let my cats Ivurrr and Dicksss out of the house so much I suspect they’re now living a double-life with Tacoma.”
Portland reportedly has told Seattle that it needs to “chill out more” and “just let a cat be a cat, you know?”
Seattle is hopeful this will be the final extension of Portland’s stay and that he’ll be gone before some family from Minnesota make a visit this fall.
Chances are it will take longer though: Experts at the University of Washington Center for Intermunicipal Studies expect Portland to stick around at least through the end of the year until he can get picked up by M. Ward and Carrie Brownstein.
