The Judeo-Christian God went viral today on TikTok after placing the planet earth within his at-home hydraulic press and crushing it until it exploded into a trillion microscopic pieces.
“I had originally spent most of my time crushing smaller things like clouds and birds, things you can get in heaven,” said the Most Ancient of Days. “But I had never seen an Earth crushed and knew my followers would be really curious to see that. Ever since the flood, I’ve understood it’s always the bigger, the better for my fans. And most of them are actually on Earth, so I think this’ll really blow their minds.”
When asked why his fans on Earth enjoy his videos of destruction so much, even when they are the ones being destroyed, The First and Last was happy to give some insight into the minds of his followers.
“I think that most of my children love to break stuff—it’s built inside every person made in my image,” He said. “Divine design, baby. And seeing how much they do it, clearly it was one of my better decisions.”
At press time, the Most High said that after crushing earth, he plans to use his new slow-motion shutter to document himself running over the Milky Way Galaxy in his Ford F150.
