This morning Monsanto issued a spring software update to a subset of PNW plants that enables the next wave of flowers to bloom across the region.
“We’ve developed a vibrant summer color profile for local plants that will soon roll out to a bush, tree, or shrub near you, all while fixing a couple bugs out of existence,” says Shea McCollough, the Monsanto West Coast Regional Head of Nature. “This update also includes new scents for your favorite flowers sponsored by our advertising partners. Be sure to look out for rose bushes that smell like Dough Zone soup dumplings or sunflowers that give off everyone’s favorite Pike Place Chowder aroma.”
Gardeners across the Seattle community has responded well to updates for local plants.
“I’m glad Monsanto took over from tired ol’ Mother Nature to bring us such valuable, artificial features spliced fresh off a squid’s chromosomes,” said local gardener Britta Sanchez. “I recently looked at the apple tree in my backyard and thought to myself, ‘What have you even done for me lately except create life-nourishing fruit, shade my apartment, and act as a hub for local wildlife?’ Now that Monsanto updated the tree to also monitor the street for members of the Seattle City Council and throw rotten apples at them, I remember why I got into gardening in the first place!”
When asked about the recent wave of malfunctioning plants, Monsanto says only 3% of tomato plants will spontaneously combust after this update.
