As a spirit of goodwill descended upon the Emerald City for its first One Seattle Day of Service this weekend, hundreds of volunteers were scratching their heads about why all of Mayor Bruce Harrell’s recommended service tasks listed seem to involve his household chores.
“I know a lot of politicians are career sociopaths with loads of dirty laundry, but I always thought the laundry thing would be more metaphorical rather than literal,” said volunteer Theresa Bennet, setting a load of slacks to permanent press. “While the finger sandwiches were a nice touch, I’m starting to think this whole thing is a charade: My husband is a video editor and Bruce put him to work scanning his Ring doorbell footage.”
While incredulous looks were worn by scores of volunteers, the mayor himself was beaming at an impromptu press conference on his patio.
“How could anyone accuse me of being a NIMBY when I quite literally am hosting Seattleites in my backyard?” said Harrell, snapping his fingers at a volunteer to bring him yet another lemonade. “Guess that makes me a YIMBY! Hey, chubby volunteer pruning my bushes! Write that down for me, would ya? That’ll make a kick-ass bumper sticker.”
The presser ended with Harrell asking reporters to pitch in on the day’s volunteering activities by carrying a freshly-delivered nacho fountain inside for him along with fired former KOMO reporter Jonathan Choe, or else be thrown on the naughty-reporters list who don’t get self-serving embargoed fluff stories fed to them directly anymore along with PubliCola’s Erica Barnett.
