As public school funding continues to decrease across the country, local teachers began to express concern that the nearby dog daycare, the Muttessori Pawcademy, was significantly nicer than the neighborhood public school.
“We can all agree the facilities at the Pawcademy are incredible, but it feels like a little much—the dogs are taught tricks in English and Mandarin, they hired a private chef from Milan, and don’t get me started on their 2,000-square-foot library,” said public school teacher Meredith Tanaka. “Meanwhile our school’s library and cafeteria are in the same room, and most of our books double as lunch trays. And I’m not saying that these dogs don’t deserve the best, but do they really need those monkey bars? Dogs don’t even have opposable thumbs, and our school’s playground looks like a trap from one of the Saw movies.”
While the school’s faculty continued to call out the disparity between the two institutions, the principal of the elite dog daycare defended the extravagant facilities at the Muttessori Pawcademy.
“The parents of our dog scholars demand the very best for their fur babies, whether that’s hiring Seiji Ozawa to conduct our orchestra or the exchange program with our sister school in England, the Oxford Academy for Elite Hounds,” said Principal Harold Montague. “But part of our mission is to help our dog scholars become better citizens, and that’s why we donate our hand-me-down toys to the underprivileged children at the nearby public school. We’ve also started a scholarship program for dogs from low-income families, so that exceptional dog scholars from disadvantaged backgrounds might have a chance to attend our Pawcademy, even on a teacher’s salary.”
At press time, the Muttessori Pawcademy had reportedly put up a new soundproof fence so that the school children wouldn’t disturb the dogs during their guided meditation hour.
