What was supposed to be a joyous day of puns and sensible car recommendations took a scary turn as local father Michael Chrisman overdosed on three gifted boxes of smoked salmon.
“When I saw some sweat pooling on the collar of his Eddie Bauer shirt, I just thought he had frugally turned the AC off,” said daughter Stephanie Chrisman, wiping a tear from her eye. “Only a minute later did I realize I had left dad alone with a Sea Bear Smoked Salmon Trio box! Dad had eaten the whole thing over the sink, just scooping out fistfuls of room-temperature salmon only diluted by a few water crackers.”
After the elder Chrisman demolished the smoked fish foodstuff, Stephanie cried out for her brother Gabe to assess their father.
“I knew something was wrong when I whined ‘Dad, I’m hungry’ and he didn’t even clap back with a ‘Hey, Hungry, I’m Dad!’ said Gabe Chrisman. “He just shuffled away from my sister and I, in some kind of smoke-flavored preservative-soaked dream state, babbling incoherently about getting to the Mariners game two hours early for some reason.”
At press time, the Chrisman siblings were happy to report their father was in stable condition after resuscitating him with improper use of the grill out back, even managing to kick off his New Balance shoes later on before dozing off loudly on the couch.
