In his latest attempt to block Floridians’ exposure to homosexuality, today Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis issued a declaration to officially ban the letters L, G, B, T and Q from the public school curriculum’s alphabet.
“In conjunc’ion with our ‘Don’ Say [redac[[recac’ed]]ed]ay Bill,’ movin’ forward we fixin’a cease usin’ every one of ‘hese cursed devi’ shapes in penned and verba’ form,” said DeSantis in a statement that honestly made about as much sense as previous ones. “We don’ need ‘em for wha’s impor’an –keepin ‘uns and worshippin’ ‘od.”
Fans of the new DeSantis policy say they look forward to becoming even more willfully illiterate.
“Never did much readin’ anyway,” said Amos Jackson. “Jus’ a bunch of hooey compared to Fox News and NewsMaxx. Jesus ‘od, save us from the ‘ays.”
By press time, all-day Floridian references to “gays” as “‘ays” also led to the banning of A’s.
