Coming fast on the heels of a surprising study that revealed a public transit gondola between Downtown Seattle and West Seattle never made financial sense or any sense, Sound Transit says another $54 million feasibility study has concluded that a giant hamster-ball-and-trebuchet public transit system also would never be a viable local commute.
“I know some of us were holding out some hope that this study would come to a different conclusion than any average idiot could come to on his own for free,” said Sound Transit spokesman Duece Clay. “The views would have been marvelous along this airborne route over Elliott Bay. Alas, it seems this transit option is too expensive and associated with almost certain death to further explore.”
The proposed transit trebuchet—a giant form of medieval catapult—would have been powered by environmentally friendly waterfront joggers taking turns winding it up with runs inside its giant hamster ball wheels.
“I know many disagree with the results of the feasibility study and believe light rail is much more expensive in the long term,” Clay said. “But, for now, if you want public transit options like that, you’re gonna need to move to somewhere as crazy as you are like Portland.”
Although it seems most West Seattle residents have returned to concentrating on water taxis, light rail and bus routes to travel to other parts of Seattle efficiently, Sound Transit says the City of Kirkland is still considering transit catapults or “anything—for the love of God anything—but driving up and down I-405.”
