After decades of scaring children and adults alike into thinking a haunted, evil villain’s headquarters plucked straight out of Gotham City was perched up on Beacon Hill, the PacMed Building revealed in a tell-all Instagram post today that she’s actually just a really nice piece of architecture who has resting Tower-of-Terror face.
“When people tell me they think I look like I’m some sort of spooky building where Jeff Bezos cackles while petting a white cat on a swivel chair as he looks down on the city, I’m like what?” said the art-deco historical landmark. “I’m not—this is just my natural façade while I’m doing everyday things like housing medical and government offices. Okay, maybe Bezos did that once from my top floor while Amazon owned me, but that was like more than a decade ago – give me a break. Who hasn’t had to work for Amazon at some point in this city?”
Followers in her comments asked why she has to light up her façade like that at night like some creepy building from a Twilight Zone episode tho.
“Once again, I’m not trying to look like the establishment shot of a made-for-TV horror film or shitty Atlas Shrugged movie– that’s just what I look like when lit up like a person telling ghost stories with a flashlight under their chin,” PacMed Building said. “I swear, if you just get close to me and know me better during the day, I have no bad intentions. I’m definitely not trying to scare or intimidate anyone into thinking I’ve imprisoned the souls of everyone who’s been stored in my former marine hospital morgues. I’m actually just a down-to-earth brick and terra-cotta building who likes being adorned in some nice bronze vintage chevron accents. You’re welcome to drop by anytime and check out my lobby’s free art collection–really!”
At press time, the PacMed Building’s efforts to rebrand her image into a kind, friendly structure were stalled when the tower was suddenly purchased by Elon Musk.
