As the manmade climate disaster marches ever forward, one climate-conscious realtor is taking a proactive approach to the impending environmental apocalypse by listing waterfront homes two miles inland from any current local shoreline.
“For years, prospective home buyers have dreamed of owning waterfront property, but could never afford the hefty price tag. With a little forward thinking, though, we can turn the unceasing rise of global sea levels into the home investment of your dreams,” said Katelynn Lipcott, realtor at Sunken Treasure Real Estate. “We’ve enlisted a team of expert climate scientists to identify what’s sure to be prime waterfront property in the next 20 years so that you can afford it today. Maybe it doesn’t look like much now, but when Ballard is under ten inches of arctic glacier melt in two decades, you’ll be really enjoying that waterfront property on the scenic Northgate Riviera.”
Following the announcement, first-time home buyers and investors alike were eager to claim their slice of pristine post-apocalyptic paradise.
“My wife and I were thrilled for the chance to be a part of this exciting new opportunity—if I close my eyes I can already envision the iridescent purple sheen of the greasy ocean lapping at the shore,” said Terry Franklin, proud new homeowner at the Poseidon’s Reach Condominiums. “I’ll admit, the place is a bit of a fixer upper, but at this stage isn’t the entire world? Our kids might be completely screwed, but at least someday they’ll be able to watch the world burn from a breezy balcony on the slightly less-West Coast.”
Following the acquisition of their condo, the Franklins have reportedly begun preliminary plans for a small rooftop garden while bees are still a thing.
