Well known, biggest dickhead of all the local bridges, 1st Ave. South Drawbridge was recently overheard ridiculing the already downtrodden West Seattleites as they attempted for the 600th day in a row to get home from work on time.
“Yeah, 1st Ave. was all like ‘Omg look how desperate they are, honestly it’s so embarrassing to see them make plans like that,’” said a fellow local bridge, who wishes to remain anonymous fearing retaliation by 1st Ave. “I mean sure the West Seattle Bridge ruined plenty of evenings when it was open, but never intentionally! Today 1st. Ave S. Bridge saw one woman who was texting her husband that she really thought she was going to make it home in time for them to eat dinner together and straight up lifted its drawbridge right then, like WTF?”
John Wheeler, a third generation West Seattleite, said he had big plans to eat the MOTO pizza he ordered 5 months ago tonight but the 1st Ave. Drawbridge still had its own plans for him.
“I actually left work 2 hours earlier than I needed to today for my commute from Georgetown to Highpoint,” said Wheeler. “Right as I pulled onto Michigan Ave. my heart sank as I saw that motherfucker slowly raise its arms to flip us off, I knew there was no chance I was putting fresh clam pizza in my mouth tonight.”
By the time Wheeler dejectedly reached MOTO tonight they had closed and multiple raccoons were seen chewing bits of clams and sausage nearby.
