Former Abolitionist City Attorney candidate Nicole Thomas-Kennedy’s archived campaign website reportedly crashed last night after a usually conservative City Attorney Ann Davison tried refreshing it too many times for new policy ideas.
“Between us, Ann submitted over 40 super chaotic help desk tickets the night of the crash,” said the site’s anonymous website admin. “I guess the idea of dismissing over 2,000 misdemeanor cases this month—something Ann said was too radical to do while campaigning—wasn’t enough and she’s searching for more. Fine by us, really! She should talk to my buddy down in City Hall’s IT office who’s been helping the mayor set his homepage to Lorena Gonzalez’s Twitter profile.”
As a frustrated Davison now faces harsh realities of implementing her original platform, she has reportedly urged her staff to help brainstorm fresh ideas about “how to reduce crime by addressing root causes like affordable housing, mental health, racism, and all the other lefty BS Nicole wouldn’t shut up about — uh, is the website still down?” according to staff meeting minutes obtained by public records request today.
Though Thomas-Kennedy, aka NTK, couldn’t be contacted for comment today, her web admin said she’s feeling optimistic about more people realizing the criminal justice system needs to change for moral, financial and practical operations reasons alike.
“Sure, Davison’s still having fits of trying to block people from using Community Court and she’s not cussing up a storm on Twitter about people building jails for children just yet—but I have a feeling we’ll get her there.”
At press time, NTK’s website was finally back up but former city councilmember candidate Nikkita Oliver’s archived campaign website had also suddenly crashed.
