Still smarting from the loss of one of the best players the franchise has ever had, today Seahawks Pete Carroll assured Seattle football fans he sucked all the heart, joy and ability he could out of quarterback Russell Wilson before his trade.
“It took a lot of work to suck him dry, you know—shuffling wide receivers, relying on a worsening running game, and having a more terrible offensive line year after year,” said Carroll in a press conference. “But rest assured he won’t have anything to give the Broncos even if they are supporting him with an offensive line and coaching theories developed in this century.”
Carroll said the work began in earnest all the way back when he let Wilson think he could win the last play of Super Bowl 49 without handing the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the one-yard line.
“That’s a little trick I call killing two players’ spirit with one play,” Carroll said laughing. “Ahhh, those were the days, weren’t they?”
Carroll said this year he looks forward to simultaneously sucking whatever’s left of Drew Lock, Jacob Eason and Geno Smith.
