After years of being photographed simply for their beauty, cherry trees in the UW Quad have filed an official complaint with the Vice-Provost for Horticultural Affairs.
“We want to be seen for more than just our tender pink blossoms,” said one tree who wished to remain anonymous. “I’ve been here for 80 years, and no one has even asked me my major. I’m not just a thing. I’m a tree.”
Another cherry tree chimed in, saying visitors to their grove often disrespectfully grope and climb all over their delicate branches despite rules making it clear that’s not okay for anyone to do at any time.
“Every year, prospective students stroke my bark without asking, seniors take my picture for their graduation announcements without permission and alumni return to let their unsupervised children climb all over my branches,” the tree said. “I just want someone to respect me for the roots of who I am, not just what I look like when I’ve got my blush on.”
If their demands are not met, the trees have threatened to uproot themselves from the campus completely and plant themselves somewhere they say they can “finally feel truly seen.”
