A local budtender was put on the spot today after a customer asked for a hyper-specific strain of weed that could not only help him relax after a long day at the office, but also deescalate the Russia-Ukrainian War.
“Hey man, yeah I’m kind of looking for some weed that can help me forget the passive aggressive work email I got at 4:45 today, and also put enough economic pressure on Russia that Vladimir Putin has to withdraw from Ukraine, do you have anything like that?” said Jeremy Block, frequent customer of Diplomatic ImmuniWeed in Capitol Hill. “Or maybe like a pre-roll that could reduce the EU’s dependency on Russian fuel sources, but also something that’ll make me feel silly enough that I can enjoy Love Is Blind season 2. But it has to be a sativa—if it’s an indica I’ll fall asleep.”
Budtenders around Seattle have long managed the increasingly unreasonable demands their customers have come to expect from their cannabis products.
“I get these folks in here all the time, just last week I had a guy ask me if I had any edibles that could help him reverse climate change and also let him know what dogs are thinking,” said Andre Murphy, owner of Chihuly’s Grass Garden in Ballard. “The ‘Do Puppies Dream of Electric Weed?’ gummies will take care of the dog thing, but climate change? I’m not a miracle worker. My rule is if they have more than five demands for their weed I just give them the strongest shit we got and they don’t even remember why they came in here in the first place.”
Among the top requests at local dispensaries from the last month are edibles that will help Seahawks fans move on from the Russell Wilson trade, hash that can help couples put together IKEA furniture, and Gas that will help them forget the gas prices.
