In a desperate attempt to get paved, a deep, gushing pothole in Crown Hill is pleading for the city to spill hot asphalt all over it.
“Look, I’ve waited weeks for someone to come brim my chasm full and pound me out of existence,” sighed the pothole. “Just yesterday, I blew out the tires of a garbage truck, postal van and school bus all in a 30-minute period. What do I have to do to finally get a chiseled crew out here to work on me all night long?”
So far, the pothole says it’s had no luck with online apps like Find It, Fix It and is getting increasingly desperate.
“I’m not even looking for anything long-term – a temporary hookup works fine,” the pothole said. “I know I’m a little on the big side, but so what? It’s just more to love filling up. A pothole’s a pothole. And I have a lot of other great qualities too, like not being all the way out in West Seattle.”
At press time, city officials said they’re trying to match the pothole up as soon as possible with a crew worker named Chad who still takes shirtless selfies in the mirror.
