For the first time since it placed itself at the Ballard intersection of Market and 24th Ave to sell gasoline at $2 more per gallon than all the other stations in town just for funsies, today Spirit Gas Station received its first customer.
“One day I was just like, hey I pay $2 more than I have to for every lemon and avocado I buy at PCC – why am I not doing that with gas?!” said their first customer, Nolan Fellows. “Was I little disappointed it turned out this place wasn’t a front for some weird business that sells wishing monkey paws or someshit? Sure. But at least now I can say to my friends with a smirk ‘Oh, you still get gas at … Shell?”
Although the gas station’s owner said the prices are actually that high because it’s ethanol-free gasoline that’s better for classic cars and boats, Fellows says the main draw for him is still blowing more money than he has to on things to feel better about himself.
“Hey, you get what you pay for and in this case, it’s almost $6-a-gallon gasoline,” said Fellows. “And even though I don’t know what the hell ethanol is or why it would be good, bad or better for my car, I’m gonna assume it’s just better because it costs more.”
At press time, the gas station owner wanted everyone to know that although he’s all out of stock of magic monkey paws, he does have a few magic beans left.
