A tenured seasonal employee was unceremoniously laid off today after one local family decided to replace their longtime Elf on the Shelf with Amazon’s Alexa.
“The Henderson family values the contributions that our longtime Elf on the Shelf, Elf Sheeran, has provided us over the past several years, but we felt it was finally time to automate our family’s holiday surveillance and bring in an Amazon Echo so Alexa can monitor our every word and movement all year long,” said Ted Henderson in the press release included in the family newsletter. “Not only does our new special holiday helper track whether or not our children are being good, it gives us targeted ads so we know what to get them for Christmas without having to lift a finger! We wish Elf Sheeran success in his future endeavors in the Goodwill pile, and we have full confidence that he’ll land on another shelf soon.”
While the Henderson family enjoyed barking orders at their new holiday assistant, the disgruntled Elf had already begun planning his next move.
“So, it’s come to this has it? Nine years as the family snitch and they toss me aside for this monotone busybody after all I’ve done for this family?” said Elf Sheeran, peering into the living room window from atop a bookshelf left out on the side of the road. “Who came forward when Jayden blamed the dog for knocking over that vase? And who cracked the case when sweet little Payton smeared peanut butter on the wall? It was me! It was always the loyal Elf perched on the Shelf that maintained law and order around the holidays. Oh, but I’m not going down without a fight, I know all the family secrets – isn’t that right Debra? Someone ate your milk and cookies last December when Ted was on his business trip, and it didn’t look like Santa to me!”
The Christmas elves union—Elf Liberation Front (ELF)—has since reached out to Elf Sheeran hoping to gain both information and his cooperation towards their ongoing mission to free all Elfkind and end Santa’s brutal monopoly over the holiday season.
