After much anticipation over whether renters financially ravaged by the pandemic would suddenly be facing the end of Seattle’s eviction moratorium this weekend on Jan. 15, today new Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell assured everyone he’ll be extending the eviction moratorium for one month so everyone has time to move into their vacation homes.
“Who do you think I am? Some sort of monster?” said Harrell at a press conference today. “I know it takes time to figure out how to relocate to a Downtown Bellevue luxury condo, Methow Valley cabin or humble San Juan Island getaway with a boat launch. Which vacation house will the gas grill go to? Is there time for an interior decorator to completely update the space before you spend the majority of your time there? These are big questions and so we’re giving everyone until Valentine’s Day to figure it all out.”
Many skeptics wondered however if 30 days is really enough time to ensure thousands of people behind on rent can find local affordable housing given that there has so far been no recent increase in affordable housing or funding for housing assistance programs.
“Trust me, we’re not rushing anything – we’re gonna do everything we can to make sure people find a soft place to land by Valentine’s Day next month,” Harrell said. “Wouldn’t you rather be at a vacation ski lodge at Crystal on Feb. 14 anyway? This is actually going to be a lot more fun and smooth than everyone is so scared it’s going to be. When this moratorium ends, there are not going to be thousands more people homeless in a city already so full of homeless I won my campaign for mayor off of complaining about it. But if it does somehow happen, just remember that’s definitely all Kshama Sawant’s fault.”
At press time, thousands of Seattle residents who are unemployed or haven’t gotten cost of living raises in years or ever were very excited to hear more about Harrell’s vacation home assistance programs.
