Today, on one of her last days in office, embattled Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan gave an impassioned farewell speech to a sitting room only crowd of her single supporter.
“I swear I sent mass text messages inviting everyone to show, but maybe those texts disappeared before anyone could read them!” said Durkan, winking to the lone audience member out in the second row who responded with a small cough. “That was a joke. Okay, anyway, I signed up to do this job to be a public servant. I’ve done this—all of it—for you. The withholding information. The bungled race relations. The dealing with CHOP as seriously as the Food Network show of the same name. The rolling-over-and-exposing-my-teets-to-big-tech. I do it all for you, Dennis.”
With applause erupting from the only person so bored with his life to show up to the speech, her only supporter rose to his feet.
“You’re my girl Jenny! Is there a tear gas bomb in here or is it just me?” said Dennis McCloud as he wiped his eyes with a tissue. “I knew from the moment years ago I heard her speak at the Annual Bellevue Mediocrity Conference with such indecision, in such an unremarkable way … I knew I had finally found a politician who gets me.”
At press time, one sympathetic City Hall employee had joined Durkan and McCloud in rounding up the folding chairs as Bruce Harrell’s nacho fountain needed to be installed “ASAP.”
