The rare beluga spotted this week in Puget Sound revealed in an Elliott Bay press conference today that he’s here to sue world-famous and legendary children’s song musician Raffi for featuring nude photos of him as a baby beluga on album covers without his consent.
“While you were all growing up singing ‘Baby beluga, oh, baby beluga’ and raining cash on Raffi, I didn’t see one cent of that cheese,” said the beluga. “Not that I want any money at all, not the point of this lawsuit at all—I just think it’s not enough that my parents gave consent for photos of me after only being paid two mackerel and some chum. The only way to rectify this situation now is to also shower me with cash transferred to my account in the form of a life-time supply of salmon.”
The beluga also asked Raffi to stop hiding behind his innocent global troubadour persona to admit using a nude picture of a baby beluga on an album cover without even censoring his blowhole was egregious.
“You know what you did, making money off of a baby beluga that isn’t even wearing undies while becoming a worldwide star,” the beluga said. “Everywhere I go, people say ‘Aren’t you the naked baby beluga on Raffi’s most famous album?’ Sure, they only know that because I’m constantly reminding them and international media, but that’s beside the point. The least Raffi could have done is invite me as a special guest when he won the Fred Rogers Integrity Award in 2006, but no – he treats me like I’m a fictional character that doesn’t even exist.”
In addition to a lifetime supply of salmon, the beluga said he would also like to someday wear his own custom-fit pair of Ninja Turtle undies.
