After months of campaigning to be the next mayor of Seattle, Bruce Harrell announced today that he’s now officially received so many campaign contributions from Bellevue that he might as well run for mayor there instead.
“After my PAC just received another several hundred thousand dollars from wealthy CEOs, real estate developers, former Seattle Police Department Chief Carmen Best who all live on the Eastside, it finally dawned on me I was running for mayor of the wrong city,” said Harrell at a Bellevue Square press conference. “Would Bellevue complain about having a giant, maskless indoor event that violates the law during a pandemic? Would Bellevue have a problem with me intimidating city staff if they don’t drop an investigation into my private social organization the Royal Esquire Club? The answer is no, and now it’s time for me to admit I need to go be with my kind here in the land of office buildings as basic as I am.”
Harrell said he’s also looking forward to not being scrutinized as much by the Seattle press corps, especially reporter Erica C. Barnett.
“Did you see the giant tantrum I had to throw before a mayoral forum on Sunday to keep Erica from moderating the debate? I told that community council that if they wanted a witty, well-prepared reporter with tough questions for me, I would not be participating,” Harrell said, proud of setting a boundary against accountability for some reason. “Luckily, they folded and removed her from moderating the forum, but how many times do I have to tell city staff and reporters they’re not allowed to question or criticize me? At this point, it would be better for me to be a horrible public servant in obscurity over here in Bellevue. After all, it worked for King County Councilmember Kathy Lambert for 27 years.”
At press time, Harrell promised Bellevue and the $20,000 he received from Costco CEO Jim Sinegal a giant Costco on every corner.
