Despite in-person Seafair events being cancelled by the pandemic for the second year in a row this year, local hydroplane fans were overjoyed to discover racers competing in a virtual motorboating event this weekend live from their bedrooms.
“First we’d like to thank our sponsors: Victoria’s Secret, Torrid and Lane Bryant,” said Zoom event commentator Rod Wilkins. “Special thanks to each of the racers’ partners for agreeing to make today’s motorboating event possible. Now, on your beauty marks, ready, set, SPLURBRRBrrBRRRRBrrrrBRRRRBrrrBRRRR.”
Racers competed to be the first to motorboat the most reverberations into their partners chest before running out of breath or spit.
“They’re splashing everywhere, Rod – I can hardly see a thing,” said event co-anchor Dick Wesley. “Everyone knows the key to proper motorboating is getting just enough air passing in between the jugs to get the lips really flying fast right above their surface.”
One racer after another ran out of steam until the last one standing was winner Taylor McGee.
“I wanna thank my wife, Tina – couldn’t have done it without her support,” said an emotional McGee in a touching victory speech. “No matter what, you’ll always have my favorite cockpit.”
