At a press conference the afternoon before Jeff Bezos blasts off into space on his Blue Origin rocket Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. Pacific, several reporters swear they heard the Amazon founder utter “no labor laws in space” under his breath.
“When I asked him why he wanted to go to space so bad, he spouted some crap about how it benefits everyone that billionaires are using billions they should have paid in taxes to joyride rockets,” said Associated Press reporter Rod Perkins. “Then he turned his smirking face to an assistant and I swear mumbled ‘also no labor laws in space’ before laughing like a maniac.”
Asked for confirmation of what he reportedly mumbled into a hot mic for all to hear, Bezos only offered a vague clarification.
“Look, the more any of us get to see the sweet fragility of Earth from outer space, the more we will appreciate her and feel the need to save her from Climate Change,” said Bezos, who again reportedly mumbled something like, “by relocating all these whiny human underlings to space and making Earth my private planetary island, no Bransons allowed!”
Asked how unsettling the mumbled quotes were, reporters like Perkins said they weren’t that surprised.
“Honestly, he’s already said what he thinks about other Earthlings because union-busting, environmental activist-firing, warehouse-worker-killing actions always speak louder than words,” Perkins said before mumbling “especially the ones I already wrote up for his obituary.”
