After a tough summer last year, seagulls and pigeons say plentiful sights of tourists’ irresponsibly discarded gum packages, Piroshky Piroshky wrappers and Starbucks cakepop sticks strewn across the ground again are signs that the waterfront is healing.
“The Stale Ivar’s Fry Famine of 2020 hit us pretty hard,” said Steven Seagull while relishing a dropped Beecher’s cheese cracker on Pier 58. “Got so bad we actually picked a little bit at the old gum wall – so humiliating to have to eat regurgitated food again. But look at us now – sipping out of littered frappuccino cups that have only been stepped on 10 times. We’re back in business, baby!”
Pigeons waddling around Pike Place Market agreed, saying some had so little tourist trash to munch on last summer they could almost fly again.
“Without hunting for discarded pieces of clam chowder bread bowls, honestly, I didn’t even know who I was anymore,” said Priscilla Pigeon. “It was difficult, but I learned a lot about myself in the process, including that I actually really like local, organic ants and worms. I feel SO much better these days. Oh shit – a toddler just dropped a cookie outside of Cinnamon Works, gotta go!”
Although local avian analysts say tourist trash has just barely begun picking up again, most say they expect a full recovery of Post Alley soiled food wrapper piles sometime this summer.
