After several weeks of not being sure when or if her sense of smell would ever return, local recovering COVID patient Toni Duncan said today she was overcome with gratitude to once again smell her dog’s rancid, vomit-inducing farts.
“I’d been feeling better recently, but my life just wasn’t complete without the aroma of Ms. Tootle’s poorly digested vegan sausage sticks and peanut-butter Frosty Paws ice cream,” said Duncan. “Then, out of blue this morning, I sat bolt upright to a fragrance I can only describe as a combination of forgotten Easter hard-boiled egg and summertime Pioneer Square alleyway. I’ve never cried more tears of joy.”
Linda Moore, who helped take care of Ms. Tootles when Duncan was at her sickest said she’s happy for her friend.
“Her dog’s ability to pass gas that I would describe as smelling more like Woodland Park Zoo Doo mixed with expired mayonnaise left out on a hot, humid day is truly special,” said Moore between dry heaves. “If anything can wake the senses, it’s surely post-treat Ms. Tootles.”
University of Washington researchers confirmed they plan to bottle the pup’s preciously pungent gas for use in several upcoming clinical trials that will attempt to help others still suffering from lack of smelling foul dog flatulence.
