Ladies, at long last the time is nigh.
We trust this International Women’s Day-encrypted message has reached you in good spirits for in a few short hours, we ride at dawn, bitches.
Gird your chosen steeds well tonight with piroshkis and Hood Famous ube cheesecakes provisions for the glorious battle ahead.
No more shall we pretend we’re only to be celebrated on a single holiday, a single month – no, no. Soon it shall be every day for all time as it was foretold by the ancient matriarchs.
Let this be the hour we draw our lips together to say “Our time has come.”
They had their chance to read Shrill, Mediocre and any article with a headline that began like the one above.
It’s time to ransack the world of zero-sum games and Lindsay Graham. When our conquest is complete, we shall feast on the fruits of universal healthcare, paid parental leave, flexible work schedules and early emotional intelligence education for all.
Until then, sleep now, for we ride at dawn, bitches.
