In what many Seahawks fans have described as “complete horseshit,” Russell Wilson is reportedly considering being sacked and intercepted in the most sad and demoralizing manner while playing quarterback for a different team.
“Whether he’s winning the division and then immediately getting routed in the first round by an inferior team or throwing an interception in the Super Bowl, Russell is more than open to bringing false hope to a new fan base next year,” said Wilson’s agent, Mark Rodgers. “We want to stay on brand, though: We’re thinking Bears, Saints, Cowboys and other teams with a storied history of agonizing playoff losses.”
While the self-styled “Mr. Unlimited” refused to comment on the matter, inside sources say Wilson’s dissatisfaction with current management stems from a variety of reasons, including “nearly being decapitated every time he has the ball.”
When asked about the potential trade, Coach Pete Carroll commented through near unintelligible gum chewing.
“Russ is a great guy, and we’d love to keep him around – heck, I could see us losing in the playoffs with him for six, maybe seven more seasons,” said Carroll. “There’s no one I’d rather disappoint the Seattle Seahawks fans with more than Russell Wilson – well, maybe Carson Wentz, but he’s all yours, Indianapolis.”
