After watching a fairy-tale inauguration ceremony for President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris while basking in the beginning of a new era for the United States, local woman Carol Keening said she’s just glad racism is solved again.
“It was so hard watching Trump become president four years ago because I was so sure that electing President Barack Obama had evaporated racism and all my white guilt with it once and for all. But then all this racism came out of nowhere,” said Keening, shoving a pile of dirty laundry into a closet. “Now that we have the first Asian, Black and woman for vice president, I think we can finally rest assured tonight that racism is, once again, solved.”
Keening said that she was so inspired after last year’s historic protests shedding light on systemic racism in every part of our culture that she almost did more than put a Black Lives Matter sign on her North Seattle home’s lawn.
“I wasn’t going to do anything crazy like actually believe we need to defund the police and invest in more practical and equitable public safety measures or call Mayor Jenny Durkan out for being MIA when Capitol Hill needed her most last summer,” Keening said while sweeping some dust under the rug. “You know, I was just gonna ask for a list of local black-owned businesses so people think I’m going to one of them even though I probably won’t. But now I don’t even need to do that. Thank you, Madame Vice President!”
At press time, Keening’s husband Todd reminded her that after she finishes the dishes, vacuums and preps tomorrow’s dinner they’ll both be sleeping easier tonight because sexism is gone forever too.
