A rare Arctic snowy owl roosting on a Queen Anne rooftop has been wowing local birdwatchers with her delicate white feathers, long wings and now a piercing look from her yellow eyes clearly telling them all to stop staring and get a life, you freaking creeps. Whoa!
“Yes, not many people know this, but the elusive snowy owl can fly down all the way from the Arctic to Seattle where it will routinely roll its eyes again and again at the seemingly endless stream of ogling avian fetishists coming her way,” said UW biologist Paul Larkin, peering through his binoculars. “Based on the way she’s preening herself right now, I believe she’s—oh, yes, she’s telling us it’s way past time for us to all fuck off.”
Oh snap! But that’s not all Larkin says her body language is implying.
“Aw, she’s swiveling her neck 180 degrees now like a fluffy, little Linda Blair at us and scratching her neck with her large, flesh-cutting talons,” Larkin said. “That means it’s only a matter of time before her natural predatory instincts have her considering our scalps for dinner. You know how true Strigiformes can be.”
Not really! But whatever dive-bombing thing just knocked the shit out of us and took a chunk of our hair with it is surely a miracle of nature!
