By Mayor Jenny Durkan
After a difficult year of handling some of the worst crises the city of Seattle has had to face in modern history, today I am announcing that next year I will be kicking off Capitol Hill’s Pride Month festivities with a rainbow-colored tear gas extravaganza for the last time.
As successful as this year’s show was, I’m afraid that with everything going on at this pivotal moment in history I can’t juggle the responsibility of both running for a second term as mayor and ensuring the Seattle Police Department has every shade and flavor of tear gas it wants and needs for next year’s Pride festivities.
That said, I’m proud of all the things I had the gall to do during this single term, especially this last year.
We commemorated the 50th anniversary of Pride with a week-long re-enactment of the Stonewall riots. We committed to a police defunding and reform plan that turned out to just be a very realistic carrot cake (our compliments to Chef Best). We led by example as we reminded each and every citizen in this great city to keep washing their hands of the responsibility to end racial injustice and unchecked police brutality.
But, perhaps most cleverly, I opted to spend hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars to fight off a drawn-out recall effort against me instead of using any of my own multi-million-dollar fortune. And when some of our silliest citizens got tired of being tear-gassed in their own homes for days on end when the Seattle Police Department perceived the slightest provocation, we poured even more time, legal resources and taxpayer dollars to protect our most unhinged local law enforcement officers’ right to keep on doing just that.
Although I may not be seeking re-election, my work is far from over. While small businesses struggle to stay open and vie for whatever small grants can come their way, I promise you this: Nothing will come between me and ensuring full funding of the Seattle Police Department’s every wish, including a new sparkly shade of indigo tear gas that I think you’ll agree really pops when you see, hear and feel it burning your eye-sockets out.
Until the end of this epically unforgettable mayoral term, Seattle, I remain your humble, corporate-backed public servant.
