As Seattle couples, joggers and children took a break from 2020 news cycles and indoor quarantining to enjoy a crisp yet sunny fall afternoon today, plumes of volcanic ash billowing out of Mount Rainier in the easily viewable distance reportedly fazed no one.
“Huh,” said local jogger Kara Stevens while barely pausing to comment on the explosion of the most prominent volcanos in the Lower 48 before trotting back home. “Thar she blows, I guess.”
Couple Rania Abdul and Terrell Coughlin seemed similarly unimpressed as the top blew off one of the tallest and most dangerous volcanos in the world.
“So predictable,” said a relaxed Abdul from Kerry Park’s iconic viewpoint Seattle and the mountain. “If that mountain wants to get noticed, it needs to throw a few rabid bats and badgers into that cauldron to really spice up this pandemic. Or, better yet, create smoke plumes that don’t just envelop the entire West Coast, but hot box the whole country with an aerosolized activated charcoal that the president names the next cure for coronavirus.”
Nearby seven-year-old Chester Weeks was similarly unaffected by ash being shot miles into the Earth’s stratosphere.
“That’s an eruption?” said Weeks as he focused on wrangling a red kite in the wind. “Still doesn’t compare to mommy and daddy’s explosions this year. Or are they called implosions? I forget. I haven’t been in school for months now.”
At press time, a muddy lahar headed straight from the lava-spewing volcano into Tacoma was reportedly met with a shrug.
