Following orders from President Donald Trump to do anything necessary to sabotage mail-in voting operations for the presidential election this November, newly appointed United States Postmaster General Louis DeJoy ordered the removal of several mailbox locations nationwide this week including the entirety of Mailbox Peak.
“I assure you the only reason we permanently removed Mailbox Peak by dynamite blast is my desire to make the USPS more efficient – pay no attention to how the president literally said on television he was ordering the physical dismantling of the USPS to prevent reliable mail-in voting this fall,” said DeJoy in an interview. “I mean, come on: Only in Seattle would anyone be climbing 4,000 feet in elevation in four miles to deliver some goddamn mail. That was always kind of crazy wasn’t it? You’re welcome.”
Although its removal gave many a sigh of relief that their friends and romantic partners would never drag them up the iconic Seattle area scramble themselves, many were left wondering why the entire peak and not just the mailbox had to be removed.
“Well, South Dakota said it wasn’t interested in adding President Trump’s incredible visage to Mount Rushmore, so we’re scoping out a few more rock face locations for Mount MAGA,” DeJoy said. “If you’re lucky, this year you’ll be seeing a lot more than yard signs for Trump!”
