After several days of stormy ups and downs, mariners aboard the Salty Seacod have reportedly succumbed tonight to the unstoppable tentacles of the Seattle Kraken.
“Ay, she blindsided and sank us faster than a Seattle baseball fan’s hopes for the playoffs,” said Sea Captain Ivar Eriksen, scratching his white beard while docking his tattered ship. “It’s almost like she had a camera in each of her tentacles tracking our every move from multiple perspectives to zero in on us – definitely not a level playing field out here. It’s almost like cheating!”
Meanwhile, Seattle Kraken’s fans broke out in celebration.
“I’ve been waiting a couple months to see this,” said Sammy Salmon who watched the takedown shortly before being eaten by Olly Orca, also a big Seattle Kraken fan.
“I don’t care whether it’s a fishing boat or the whale-watching paparazzi,” said the orca. “Just get these noisy boats out of here.”
Eriksen said he hopes his team fares better on their next voyage, when they are expected to go up against the Flying Dutchman followed by Captain Blackbeard and Davy Jones’ Locker.
