Following a recent inquiry President Trump made about having his head added to Mount Rushmore, details have emerged of a call Governor Jay Inslee received inquiring how the President might go about getting his swollen, droopy visage added to Seattle’s Gum Wall.
“It has come to the attention of President Trump that there is a popular public monument in Seattle, and we have demanded that Hippie Jay-the-Snake Inslee create an enormous chewing gum portrait in the President’s honor,” said White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany. “President Trump has demanded that the taxpayers of Seattle create the enormous portrait with only the best, American-made gum, Big League Chew, and none of that xylitol stuff that sounds like it comes from China. Should there be any Antifa interference, President Trump will decisively dispatch the national guard via Executive Tweet to ensure its completion.”
Governor Jay Inslee was reportedly caught off guard by the unorthodox request.
“I…wait, he asked for what?” said Governor Inslee, removing his glasses and rubbing his temples. “Yeah sure we’ll get right on that, I’ll personally chew all the gum necessary to put his fat head right between the sprawling mosaic portrait of Hubba Bubbraham Lincoln and that rat that got its tail caught in an unusually large chunk of Juicy Fruit until it was slowly absorbed into the wall. I promise I won’t stop until we’ve depleted King County’s supply of Orange Bubble Yum. That was the whole call? No word on funding for testing? Just…the Gum Wall. Jesus Christ.”
Following Governor Inslee’s response, President Trump’s camp added a stipulation that his portrait must be at least three times larger than Hubba Bubbraham Lincoln.
