Brussels – Two weeks after it decided to extend its ban on U.S. travelers, the European Union announced today that its cobblestone streets have been so free of McDonalds wrappers, Starbucks cups and cargo shorts, it would be extending the U.S. travel ban indefinitely.
“We have no idea why we didn’t do this years ago,” said German Chancellor Angela Merkel on a quiet stroll in Berlin’s historic Charlottenburg neighborhood. “Sure, ostensibly we’re extending this travel ban due to the exponential growth of coronavirus cases in the US, but it’s also because we’ve already suffered four straight decades of college kids who can’t hold their beer without breaking into Jon Bon Jovi. Seems like they can do plenty of ‘Livin on a Prayer’ at home now.”
Belgian Prime Minister Sophie Wilmès added she was overjoyed at the nearly 3.6 million Euro saved in the last few weeks cleaning up after Americans.
“It’s not just the street – the things they do to our bathroom plumbing are unspeakable!” said Wilmès. “I think we’re all breathing a little easier now not just because we’ve flattened the curve, but because the air is so clear of the methane pollution produced by Americans binging nothing but Belgian chocolate, waffles and fries for days on end.”
At press time, leaders from all 27 of the EU’s member states also agreed the indefinite ban would include President Donald Trump and all cans of Goya.
