Issaquah parents of a Gonzaga junior experienced one of the most harrowing days of their lives today when they suddenly learned they had less than a day to convert their BDSM dungeon back into their daughter’s childhood bedroom.
“Emily called this morning saying she didn’t want to stay in Spokane through the end of her lease anymore and would be surprising us by returning home by the end of the day,” said Cliff Arbuckle. “I just looked at Barb and said, ‘We’ve got three hours to clear out the fun room.’ Jesus, I nearly threw my back out when I had to move that spanking bench the first time.”
As the Arbuckles raced to clear the room of all whips, harnesses, and sex slings, they simultaneously searched frantically for the old décor items.
“Barb! I got the soccer trophies, BTS dolls and the Bernie poster,” Cliff said as he rushed in a panic throughout the house. “Where’d all that framed Target crap go? Where the hell’s the Live-Laugh-Love sign?”
Though happy to have their daughter back at home, Barb grieved dismantling her home’s temporarily torturous rapture chamber.
“It started as a home gym/art studio, then we watched the 50 Shades trilogy last month and ordered a few marital aids on a whim,” she said with a wistful smile. “Pretty soon we were using our two-for-one coupons on butt plugs and assless chaps and turning this into our own little sex sanctuary. Oh well, maybe we’ll have it again when the world gets back to offering unpaid internships.”
By this afternoon, Emily burst through the front door and was greeted by Yeti, her eight-year-old beagle, carrying a ball gag in his mouth.
“Close call,” Cliff said. “We told her it was just one of Yeti’s new toys and that if she came across any of his toy spike collars, saddles, tasers, etc. to just toss them in the laundry room.”
The couple says their unsuspecting daughter is quickly making herself at home again as she hangs up Polaroid photos of college friends with a few of their left-behind nipple clamps.
