Pedestrians have been backed up in multiple directions and taking detours all morning due to a couple stalled in the left sidewalk lane, reportedly oblivious to how they really need to keep it fucking moving along.
Traffic backups began when the couple seemed to lose all awareness that they were clogging sidewalks, one of the only remaining public pedestrian thoroughfares for people to get outside for exercise while maintaining a safe social distance of six feet.
“Did they not get the CDC memo about treating sidewalk strolls like a real life-or-death game of Ms. Pac-Man?” asked Christine Hughes dressed in full activewear. “Standing is for everyone’s 12 daily visits to the refrigerator, not flower-oggling lookie loo conventions. I’ll bet these histamine-high motherfuckers are completely pollen-drunk too.”
The neighborhood’s sidewalk traffic jam culminated in an awkward standoff between five pedestrians who didn’t know if they should turn around, cross the street or latch themselves to the back of a passing vehicle Terminator-style while being dragged away in the street.
By noon, a family member of the couple is expected to finally pull them over for going 0 mph in a 2 mph lane.
