Five weeks after enrolling in a mandatory home-based introvert bootcamp program led by roommates who grew up in Seattle, local extrovert and Texas transplant Brock Higgins says his sanity is holding on by a thread.
Higgins, 27, reportedly barely survived Week 1: “Don’t Touch Me”, Week 2: “Daydreaming & Anxious Rumination 101”, and Week 3: “Stop Talking to Me, I’m Reading.”
“Honestly, we tried to enroll him in the full bootcamp experience as soon as he moved here and started inviting us to go do things together – but he was resistant until stay-at-home and social distancing policies became mandatory,” said roommate Sgt. Shy Bookman, cracking his knuckles. “We’re all too happy to finally bring him to heel.”
Higgins just finished “Hygge Week” when even the most determined previous bootcampers have fallen prey to gloriously sunny spring weather.
“We had to stay inside and cuddle up with a fluffy blanket alone, sip lavender chamomile tea and swap out our smart phone for a thick paperback book,” said Higgins, shaking his head. “When the drill sergeant pried that phone out of my hand … oh my sweet Jesus, it was like having a limb cut off. I don’t think any of my Instagram followers even know what I ate for dinner yesterday.”
For this upcoming week, Sgt. Bookman plans to teach Higgins solo yoga and deep breathing exercises.
“Inhale! Now repeat after me on the exhale: Omm-two-three-four! Omm-two-three-four!”
