Friends and family are growing increasingly concerned for one local woman who is dangerously close to running out of closets, drawers and shelves to organize.
Northgate resident Lisa Wheeler is reportedly on her last few backpacks and totebags to clean out and color-order.
“We sent a care package last week with a bunch of shitty, old family photos ready to scrapbook,” said Wheeler’s mom, Susan. “I know it’s not an entire closet full of things you don’t need, but it’s something – hope it tides her over for another week or so.”
When reached for comment, Wheeler confessed her situation still is dire.
“This morning, I almost considered starting that novel I’ve always dreamed of writing, but then – thank God – I remembered that there were probably some toiletries in the bathroom that were expired,” Wheeler said. “It was a close call. If I run out of things to organize and have to resort to stirring up drama with my partner, friends and family to continue my procrastination and illusion of control, so be it – but I really do hope it doesn’t come to that.”
At press time, Wheeler said she had sustained herself today by alphabetically organizing her entire DVD collection before throwing them all in a trash bag and binge-watching all seven episodes of Tiger King.
