Multiple sources including your parents are reporting that your sweet old grandmother is currently still sitting in her big chair, half-watching I Love Lucy, half glancing over to the landline phone every five minutes because she’s waiting for you, her loving grandchild, to call.
You haven’t seen her since Christmas, when she gave you a gift-envelope with $40 in it and a card telling you how much she loves you and cares about you.
“I’ve just had a lot going on,” you said to your nagging conscience. “Being self-quarantined at home with nothing to do but binge Game of Thrones for the 9th time while ordering Postmates has just been a lot for me to mentally handle lately. Grandma’s lived through the Great Depression, World War II and a complete viewing of The Godfather Part 3. I’m sure she’d understand.”
Meanwhile, the living matriarch of your entire bloodline is sitting alone in the small and dank facility where she shows everyone pictures of you.
“That’s my sweet grandchild,” your grandma has reportedly told everyone she talks to. “I’m sure they’re so stressed out about being asked to stay home right now that tomorrow I’m mailing him a check and a new pot-holder I crocheted myself.”
