A dedicated bar trivia team of three good friends and five casual acquaintances, all of whom have unsuccessfully dated each other, say they’re struggling tonight after learning that the National Bar Trivia League has officially cancelled this year’s season of answering existentially insignificant questions.
“After finishing third last season, we spent the whole offseason studying every Jeopardy episode of the last five years, reading 20 randomly selected Wikipedia articles a day, and rewatching every Harry Potter film for the eighth time to get into peak trivia condition,” said a distraught Nick Banfield, Team Captain for You’re a Quizard, Harry. “I even got a subscription to Us Weekly so no Kardashian-related question could get past me. Now I’m only left with questions I don’t know the answer to like who am I? And, good God, what have I been doing with my life?”
In a statement, the League apologized to its loyal trivia players, but said they saw no way to stop the spread of coronavirus and host a successful season of asking questions too many people know the answer to.
At press time, Banfield was Facetiming the last teammate he dated to assure her that he definitely knew Corona beer was first imported to the US in 1979 and that it was the 8th most popular beer in the US.
