Cursing the carnal eating of juicy, sliced-beef hindquarters at homes and restaurants across Mercer Island, vegan Wolf Michaels vowed today to rid the Lake Washington isle of all steaks.
“The sinful consumption of these salty, rosemary-buttered flanks of flesh upon our tongues ends today,” said Michaels before returning to summoning the steaks with a wooden-flute rendition of Scarborough Fair.
By sundown, Michaels said he expected the hoard of flute-summoned steaks to enter Lake Washington, turn to foam, and emerge again as resurrected cow goddess, Hathor.
“Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme, between the sea foam and over the sand,” said Michaels. “And then she’ll be a true love of mine.”
At press time, the last few steaks at Roanoke Inn had successfully inched past their late-stewed corned beef brethren.
