Amid severe shortages of face masks during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic, reports are flooding in that homes across the country are experiencing a rapid rise in BDSM erotic bondage, kinbaku and figging.
Experts say it began in Shoreline, Wash., where panicked Costco shoppers desperate for the last available face masks were seen stampeding across Highway 99 to adult sex toy shop Lovers.
“After securing the most important thing in a global pandemic – five years worth of toilet paper – I looked for face masks and they were no where to be found,” said Shoreline resident Walter Peterson. “I had no choice left but to rampage Lovers across the street which, to my surprise, still had quite a nice selection of dual zipper bondage hoods, gimp masks and muffle gags.”
Although those who were lucky enough to grab the last in stock fully planned on wearing their BDSM masks in public if necessary, most who acquired them say they’ve preferred self-quarantining since their purchase.
“At this point, we’re just more comfortable with the idea of hanging out at home in our new suspension bondage frame and sex swing,” said Peterson’s wife, Martia. “Whipping that collared bitch every time he goes as much as five minutes without putting Purell on his hands has unleashed my inner quarantining domme … and I don’t hate it.”
At press time, the spread of BDSM experimentation throughout the community was reportedly inspiring state and local public health officials to penalize hosts of gatherings larger than 250 people with mandatory hog-tied dungeon time.
