Amid fears that the Coronavirus may spread internationally, today the Center of Disease Control urged the general public to obnoxiously cover their mouths every time they see someone wearing a nylon fanny pack, socks in sandals, or anything from Tommy Bahama.
“We just can’t be too careful: Most of the Americans initially infected with the Covid-19 virus contracted it aboard a cruise ship,” said CDC spokeswoman Richelle Landis. “In the coming weeks, we may expand this recommendation to anyone who seems to think buffet restaurants are a good idea.”
Landis said those at high risk for carrying the disease and passing it onto others may also give off certain symptoms in conversation.
“If you’re talking to anyone whose idea of travel to a new city is stepping off a boat for a few hours to visit a tourist trap before climbing back aboard for several drunken, diabetic coma-laden days at sea, I would keep your distance,” Landis said.
With any luck, Landis said the new virus will be successfully contained so that the only sickness expected to kill up to 60,000 Americans this year are all the other strains of the common flu.
