A clash over proper composting methods between two rival roommates in an eco-friendly Ravenna household today reportedly resulted in an old-fashioned knifefight for the ages.
The conflict began when Lacey Edkins, 24, allegedly tried to slip leftover spaghetti squash into a regular kitchen trash can–a known violation of apartment policy code 47263.1b, long enforced by roommate and Greenpeace member Chelsea Watson, 26.
The code stipulates that all compostable materials be stuffed into a small countertop composting bin that, according to witness and fellow roommate Henry Fargo, “no one ever wants to fucking touch, open, or empty.”
“Chelsea saw and asked her what she was doing, so Lacey responded ‘Disposing trash?’” said Fargo, shaking his head. “Chelsea told her, ‘I’ll show you how to dispose trash.’”
When Chelsea’s 18th explanation of proper apartment composting methods was interrupted by Lacey calling composting a “waste of time,” both women instinctively grabbed the nearest kitchen knife.
Lacey’s additional admission that she regularly dumps the house recycling bin into the garbage because “recycling is a hoax” quickly escalated the situation.
Both suspects have been taken into custody. At press time, Lacey was happy to report that the King County Jail does not offer recycling or composting options.
