Recognizing the hazards of mistletoe in office settings, OSHA has formed a special task force for a no-questions-asked buyback program to get this dangerous substance off the streets and into the compost where it belongs.
Anyone who brings in mistletoe will receive free access to a sexual harassment training video, A Non-Handsy Holidays.
“I don’t understand why this program is even necessary,” said Harold from Accounting. “Just because I casually stand next to the mistletoe at the holiday party every year, waiting for a woman to try to get past me to get to Edna’s bean dip and then say ‘Oh look, we’re under the mistletoe!’ as they run away screaming doesn’t mean we should undo this harmless tradition.”
Stan Sharp, Director of Bizarre Holiday Tradition Hazard Removal, says he’s excited about OSHA’s investment in this new program.
“This is a chance for people to come in—anonymously and without any repercussions—to rid the holidays of this scourge. Mistletoe, you can’t hide behind the eggnog any longer—we’re coming for you.”
Most of the people turning in mistletoe appear to be women who have reportedly been regifting their free sexual harassment training video to men in offices all across the country.
