Social media was set ablaze today as an NFL sideline reporter was caught absently staring into the chest of DK Metcalf, the hulking rookie wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks.
“It was a little embarrassing getting caught staring like that on national TV, but look at the guy: Can you blame me? His chest looks like you hung two heaving slabs of brisket on a retaining wall,” said sideline reporter Hank Templeton. “Show me someone who claims they haven’t fantasized about DK Metcalf cradling you in his enormous arms, lulling you to sleep as you listen to the rhythm of his thumping heartbeat, and I’ll show you a damn liar.”
Head Coach Pete Carroll also had a few wildly inappropriate stares at the team’s new star in a post-game press conference.
“He’s truly one-of-a-kind,” said Carroll, zoning out temporarily at the show-stopping receiver’s bosom before snapping himself back into decorum. “In a league of superhuman athletes, we’re real glad this incarnation of Thanos is on our side, I’ll tell you that much.”
Metcalf was last seen in the locker room gingerly maneuvering his colossal frame through a woefully puny door frame to adjust his fully-endowed jockstrap in private.
